5. The Rocky Horror Picture Show

-Photo via IMDB.com

Ah, Rocky Horror. Who doesn’t love a 50s style musical B-movie about a sweet transvestite alien mad scientist? Rocky Horror is a cultural phenomenon which will live on forever through fun midnight screenings and haunt anyone named Janet until the end of time. We all know that. What most people don’t know is Rocky Horror has a sequel called Shock Treatment, and while the original is awfully fun, Shock Treatment is just…well…awful.

Shock Treatment includes some cast members from Rocky Horror and focuses on Brad and Janet yet again. The fact that they aren’t played by Susan Sarandon and Barry Bostwick should be a red flag for a movie that already has more than Cold War-era Moscow. The plot centers around Janet having Brad committed to an insane asylum on a TV game show and a sinister fast food tycoon. As should be a surprise to no one, the movie was a huge flop, even more of a flop than Rocky Horror (which is famous for being a flop).

4. The Ring (Japanese Version)

-Photo via IMDB.com

American audiences will surely remember The Ring, Gore Verbinski’s horror flick about a VHS tape that killed its viewers. What you may not remember is what the hell a VHS tape is. It’s the movie with the little girl who crawls out of TVs and the little boy who annoys everyone. Anyway, The Ring had a sequel in the US that was really, really, really, really, really bad, but that isn’t the sequel I’m talking about. You see, The Ring was a remake of a Japanese horror film of the same name, which was a really big deal over there (the highest grossing film in Japanese history). The American version did well also, and opened up a tidal wave of American remakes of Japanese horror films about the ghosts of pissed off murder victims (which universally sucked).

The story of the original sequel to the Japanese Ring is nothing but bizarre. You see, the sequel to The Ring in Japan (which shared both the director and level of suck of the American sequel) was actually NOT the original sequel. The original sequel, Rasen (Spiral in English), was based on the novel of the same name by Koji Suzuki, who wrote the book on which The Ring was based. Rasen was a massive flop, and as a result, Japanese film makers just swept it under the rug and pretended it didn’t exist. They released The Ring 2, which became the official sequel, and Rasen was forgotten. That isn’t even the most bizarre part of the story.

The Ring and Rasen were released at the same time. Not close to the same time, simultaneously. They had different writers, directors, and crews, but were released together in the hopes that it may drive up business. Imagine walking out of Iron Man’s first run and seeing Iron Man 2 playing across the hall. Unsurprisingly, the plan was a complete failure, and Rasen was a bust that now lives in obscurity.

3. The Phantom of the Opera

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This entry is yet another musical. Unless you’ve spent a few decades under a rock, you’ve heard of The Phantom of the Opera, Andrew Lloyd Webber’s rock opera about (SPOILER ALERT) a masked “phantom” who lives under, you guessed it, the opera house. Surprisingly, the object of The Phantom’s affection, the beautiful Christine, prefers the attractive rich guy to the chandelier dropping creep who rides gondolas underground. The original opera ends with The Phantom disappearing and leaving behind his cape and mask. You may have asked, where did he go? Judging by Andrew Lloyd Webber’s answer, you may have wished you didn’t ask.

Coney Island. The Phantom of the Bleeping Opera went to Coney Bleeping Island. What, did he really want a hot dog or something?

In Love Never Dies, Christine is invited to perform at Coney Island, where to her great surprise The Phantom is currently residing, doing, well, phantom stuff. The first run of Love Never Dies in London was a critical failure, but the Australian re-working went over much better. Still…Coney Island?

2. Donnie Darko

-Photo via IMDB.com

How exactly does one make a sequel about a movie that ends with the main character being crushed by a falling jet engine? Sadly for humanity, writer Nathan Atkins and Director Chris Fisher attempted to answer that question in 2009 with S. Darko, a truly awful sequel to the bizarrely cool cult classic Donnie Darko.

For those of you unfamiliar with Donnie Darko, first off you should be ashamed of yourself. Second, quit reading these spoilers and go watch it already! Anyway, Donnie Darko is about a high school student with mental problems played by a young Jake Gyllenhaal who is told by a large man in a bunny costume that the world is about to end. This is the start to two hours worth of insanity that ends with Donnie traveling back in time to allow himself to be crushed by the afore mentioned jet engine to right the time continuum or something. I didn’t say the movie makes much sense, just that it’s cool.

S. Darko follows Donnie’s younger sister Samantha (played by Daveigh Chase, who starred in the American version of The Ring) as she gets stuck in a small town in Utah and starts time traveling for some reason. I won’t bother you with the plot details, mostly because they’re boring, senseless and impossible to remember. Trust me, it’s bad.

1. Forest Gump

-Photo via IMDB.com

This is one that Scot has mentioned before on the show I produce in St. Louis, The Sports Lounge with Scot Morris and Co, which of course you can listen to right here on 1490 “The Champ” Fox Sports radio Monday-Friday from 4-6pm central. Everyone knows Forest Gump. Frankly anyone who doesn’t know Forest Gump needs to be pulled out from under their rock and slapped in the face. It’s an American classic, enough so that in 1994 it beat out both Pulp Fiction AND The Shawshank Redemption for the Best Picture Oscar. Think about that. It’s spawned an unbelievable amount of catch phrases and is the defining role of Tom Hanks’ career.

…and there is actually a sequel to it. Winston Groom, who wrote the book on which the movie was based, wrote a sequel called Gump and Co. in 1995. It follows Forest, as he deals with the fallout from his life being made into a movie. He loses his fortune and stumbles through historical events and meets celebrities the way only Forest Gump can. There were plans in place to film the sequel, but the project has fallen off several times. It now seems unlikely we will ever see Gump and Co. on the big screen, but you can always go read the book. Wait, what am I saying. If a project has name value, a studio will push it out, no matter who’s involved or what the quality.