WWE Elimination Chamber Dissected

Posted on June 2, 2015 by Hans A. Carpenter

-Photo via WWE.com

Well folks, WWE managed to shoehorn in an Elimination Chamber special on the WWE Network for free subscription month, and it turned out to be a surprisingly fun show. Here you go, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Number Rating: 4/5

Forecast in Hell: Icy

Kevin Owens, in his first WWE match, pinned John Cena clean in the middle of the ring. The universe itself moved as I typed that last sentence. I can count the people I have seen beat John Cena clean on one hand. Kevin Owens did it in his first match. I challenge you to find one person in the history of WWE who has been given that much of a rub out of the gate. Had Brock Lesnar beaten Stone Cold on that infamous Monday night, he would have a case. Even Brock Lesnar didn’t beat the face of the company clean in his first match.

Oh, and the match itself? Superb from top to bottom. Cena played his role to perfection, and the offense was surprisingly even handed. KO showed the wide WWE audience how athletic he really is, whipping out a spinning fisherman’s suplex from the top rope, as well as a senton. When he teased the cradle piledriver, I yelled “no he’s not, no he’s not!” He didn’t, but it was a fun moment none the less. In the end, KEVIN OWENS BEAT JOHN CENA CLEAN IN HIS DEBUTE MATCH.

A Finish Beneath Monday Night RAW

The main event between Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins was a very good match. A pre-match video on Dean Ambrose managed to tell a better story then the awful booking on RAW. Both men managed to get in most of their signature spots, and Rollins even busted out the Phoenix Splash. Kane and J&J Security got involved, because of course they did, and Roman Reigns was banned from ringside by Triple H, because of course he was. For the finish, Seth pulled the ref in front of a diving Dean, who manages to hit the Dirty Deeds. Another ref runs down, it seemed like the perfect time for Rollins to kick out…but he didn’t. Dean won.

Ok, I think to myself, Dean gets his name in the record books with a two-week cup of tea as champ, a la Edge or Mankind. Nope. The other ref woke up, and in a move that would make Dusty Rhodes blush reversed the decision, disqualifying Rollins and allowing him to keep the title. The heels then ganged up on Dean, who was saved by Roman Reigns. The two former SHIELD brothers then stole the world title and left through the crowd.

Everything was perfect, until the lame finish. You couldn’t have just had Triple H do the same thing Monday Night, and let the win stand for 24 hours? Nope, instead the show ends with an embarrassingly outdated Dusty Finish. Thanks, WWE. Thanks.

A Tale of Two Chambers

The titular Elimination Chamber made not one, but two appearances. One was fun, one was boring.

First off, the Tag Team Championship was defended by The New Day against Tyson Kidd and Cesaro, Los Matadores, Lucha Dragons, The Ascension, and The Prime Time Players. The stupidity of having El Torito on top of Los Matadores’ pod and all thee members of New Day legal aside, this was a fun opener. Kalisto managed to climb up the top of the chamber (not the pods, the chamber itself) and fling himself onto the other combatants. It was cool. Then El Torito did the same thing. It was overkill. I liked the double teaming done by Cesaro and Kid, as well as The Ascension. The Prime Time Players looked like a million bucks and look to be the next challengers for the title. Theatrics aside, the only team to really look bad in this match was the Lucha Dragons.

On the other side of this coin, we have the Intercontinental Title chamber. It was awful. So little of note happened in this match it’s hard to even write about. Mark Henry was the replacement for the injured Rusev, and he looked awkward and confused. He just stood around and watched at several junctures. Sheamus seemed primed to win, but at the last minute Ryback came out on top. Yep, Ryback. After the match Daniel Bryan congratulated Ryback, who gave an awkward, rushed promo that again proved how poor the guy is on the stick. He can’t wrestle, he can’t talk, I don’t get it.

Neville vs. Bo Dallas

This was a very good cool-down match, but both of these guys deserve better. Here’s hoping they find greener pastures soon.

Divas

The Divas triple threat between Nikki Bella, Naomi, and Paige wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good either. It never got boring, but at the same time it was sloppy, with numerous botches. A little more execution and it might have been a solid match. As is, meh.

Dear (Ad)(B)oring Public,

Posted on June 2, 2015 by Hans A. Carpenter

For those (all) of you who don’t know me, I’m Hans Carpenter. I’m the producer of The Sports Lounge with Scot Morris and Company on 1490 AM “The Champ” in the St. Louis market. I’ve been a writer for a long time on a multitude of eclectic, eccentric topics and, frankly, it’s high time I started a blog proper as a clearing-house of the useless thoughts haunting my head. Hans will write words on sports. Hans will write words on pop culture. Hans will write words on whatever Hans wants. Hans will write in the third person randomly because it’s fun. So, hey…here’s some words about stuff. Enjoy.

–Hans A. Carpenter

Cardinals Takeaways 5-31-15

Posted on June 2, 2015 by Hans A. Carpenter

Sunday’s series with the Dodgers finally ended 3-1, as the Cards take 2 out of 3 for the series win. The Redbirds finished the weekend winning 6 of their last 7 games on the back of characteristically strong starting pitching.

Takeaways:

Sunday’s game featured a tribute to the late Oscar Tavares, who tragically passed away along with his girlfriend in a car accident in October. The game marked the one-year anniversary of Tavares’ big league debut, in which he homered in his first major league at bat.

Carlos Martinez showed the world just what he is made of. On a day with a touching tribute to his close friend, Oscar Tavares, Martinez dominated the Dodgers lineup. He threw seven shutout innings giving up one hit and four walks while striking out eight. To pitch that well on such an emotional day shows what kind a competitor that is Carlos Martinez. It was a fitting tribute for his friend. It also marked his third straight excellent start following a rough start to the month. In fact, Martinez has a 20 1/3 inning scoreless streak at the moment. His season stat line: 5-2 with a 3.13 ERA (3.87 FIP), 9.5 K/9 and 4 BB/9.

Jhonny Peralta hit a two-run homer that gave the Cardinals the lead in the first inning. His season batting line: .310/.370/.519 with 8 homers and 30 RBI good for a 2.0 WAR, according to Baseball-Reference. He’s been good. Very, very good.

Even sick, Matt Holliday gets on-base. Holliday came out of the game in the fourth inning due to illness, according to Fox Sports. Still, a walk keeps the franchise record on-base streak alive at 44 games and counting. His OBP currently sits at a pristine .434.

Injuries and illness have kept Randal Grichuk in the starting lineup, and he has entrenched himself. With the way he’s playing, it would be hard to take him out. Over 66 plate appearances this year, Grichuk has an .874 OPS (one point under Holliday’s .875) along with a string of highlight reel defensive plays (did anyone catch the robbed home run on Saturday…wow). Is Jimmy Ballgame’s number 15 rubbing off on the youngster? Grichuk went 1-4 on Sunday.

These takeaways have been all dessert, so here are your veggies. Base running continues to be an issue for the Red Birds. Both Peter Bourjos and Jason Heyward were picked off Sunday. Ponder this; the Cardinals came into the season with three clear threats on the base paths, Bourjos, Heyward, and Kolten Wong. Their steals vs. caught stealing for the year: 13/10. That’s just plain awful. Wong is an even 4/4, Bourjos 4/5. Heyward is the only one with a decent ratio at 5/1. Steal all you want, just quit getting caught.

Out yonder on the horizon…

The Brewers are rolling into town, and boy howdy are they bad. The 17-34 Crew will roll out Mike Fiers (1-5, 4.35 ERA) while the Cards counter with Jaime Garcia (1-1, 3.46 ERA), who is looking to build on his two strong starts since returning from injury. Game time is 7:05.