Number Rating: 4/5 

Forecast in Hell: Icy 

Kevin Owens, in his first WWE match, pinned John Cena clean in the middle of the ring. The universe itself moved as I typed that last sentence. I can count the people I have seen beat John Cena clean on one hand. Kevin Owens did it in his first match. I challenge you to find one person in the history of WWE who has been given that much of a rub out of the gate. Had Brock Lesnar beaten Stone Cold on that infamous Monday night, he would have a case. Even Brock Lesnar didn’t beat the face of the company clean in his first match.

Oh, and the match itself? Superb from top to bottom. Cena played his role to perfection, and the offense was surprisingly even handed. KO showed the wide WWE audience how athletic he really is, whipping out a spinning fisherman’s suplex from the top rope, as well as a senton. When he teased the cradle piledriver, I yelled “no he’s not, no he’s not!” He didn’t, but it was a fun moment none the less. In the end, KEVIN OWENS BEAT JOHN CENA CLEAN IN HIS DEBUTE MATCH.

A Finish Beneath Monday Night RAW

The main event between Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins was a very good match. A pre-match video on Dean Ambrose managed to tell a better story then the awful booking on RAW. Both men managed to get in most of their signature spots, and Rollins even busted out the Phoenix Splash. Kane and J&J Security got involved, because of course they did, and Roman Reigns was banned from ringside by Triple H, because of course he was. For the finish, Seth pulled the ref in front of a diving Dean, who manages to hit the Dirty Deeds. Another ref runs down, it seemed like the perfect time for Rollins to kick out…but he didn’t. Dean won.

Ok, I think to myself, Dean gets his name in the record books with a two-week cup of tea as champ, a la Edge or Mankind. Nope. The other ref woke up, and in a move that would make Dusty Rhodes blush reversed the decision, disqualifying Rollins and allowing him to keep the title. The heels then ganged up on Dean, who was saved by Roman Reigns. The two former SHIELD brothers then stole the world title and left through the crowd.

Everything was perfect, until the lame finish. You couldn’t have just had Triple H do the same thing Monday Night, and let the win stand for 24 hours? Nope, instead the show ends with an embarrassingly outdated Dusty Finish. Thanks, WWE. Thanks.

A Tale of Two Chambers

The titular Elimination Chamber made not one, but two appearances. One was fun, one was boring.

First off, the Tag Team Championship was defended by The New Day against Tyson Kidd and Cesaro, Los Matadores, Lucha Dragons, The Ascension, and The Prime Time Players. The stupidity of having El Torito on top of Los Matadores’ pod and all thee members of New Day legal aside, this was a fun opener. Kalisto managed to climb up the top of the chamber (not the pods, the chamber itself) and fling himself onto the other combatants. It was cool. Then El Torito did the same thing. It was overkill. I liked the double teaming done by Cesaro and Kid, as well as The Ascension. The Prime Time Players looked like a million bucks and look to be the next challengers for the title. Theatrics aside, the only team to really look bad in this match was the Lucha Dragons.

On the other side of this coin, we have the Intercontinental Title chamber. It was awful. So little of note happened in this match it’s hard to even write about. Mark Henry was the replacement for the injured Rusev, and he looked awkward and confused. He just stood around and watched at several junctures. Sheamus seemed primed to win, but at the last minute Ryback came out on top. Yep, Ryback. After the match Daniel Bryan congratulated Ryback, who gave an awkward, rushed promo that again proved how poor the guy is on the stick. He can’t wrestle, he can’t talk, I don’t get it.

Neville vs. Bo Dallas

This was a very good cool-down match, but both of these guys deserve better. Here’s hoping they find greener pastures soon.

 Divas

The Divas triple threat between Nikki Bella, Naomi, and Paige wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good either. It never got boring, but at the same time it was sloppy, with numerous botches. A little more execution and it might have been a solid match. As is, meh.